Dear Life

Dear Gone Away,
As unclear as it is why you left, it is just as unclear why I miss you. I shouldn't, because you shouldn't still be gone. At the very least, you shouldn't have left without an explination. But I can't live with shouldn't haves, and after all this time that you have been gone, I'm finally letting go- not of what you were to me, but of what you are to me now, because I have a feeling, that you're never coming back, and it makes me sad.

Dear Not Yet,
I think about you all the time, wondering when you'll happen, and who or what you will be. There is always a heavy weight on my chest, as I am impatient waiting for you. It's scary to think that you might not be what I expect, or have longed for, but fear is a whole other letter. So for now, I will do my best and only dream about you, knowing when we finally meet, you will be the present.

Dear Present,
I think you and I have been getting along pretty well lately. We had our rough patches, but everyone does. I have stopped wishing that you didn't exist, or that I could leave you and magically go back and change everything. I've learned to appreciate you, and always take advantage of your precious gifts, because as soon as I show you a hint of hesitation, all of a sudden you have become my past.

Dear Past,
You are my everyday challenge. You are my biggest battle, my internal struggle, my mental downfall. I see you in the face of every friend and every stranger. I wonder how many people know you, and resent me for making you. I want you to know that I've let you get the best of me before, but I'm not going to let you win anymore. You do not define me. When I look at you I see so many things, and I'm keeping all of the good with me, and leaving the rest. How funny life is, how strange it is to think that not so very long ago you were my future, and I had so much control, and in an instance, it was lost. I can't change what is behind me, but I can learn from you, and for that I thank you.

Dear Regret,
You walk hand in hand with my past, sometimes violently stealing my breath the more I think about you. You used to leave me feeling so helpless, so vulnerable, so ashamed, that it took everything in me to get out of bed, to walk down the stairs, and to face the day. So many people say that I should live without you, but I don't want to. You humble me. You have made me stronger, and I don't want to see you as something negative, I just want to you to be the voice in the back of my mind, reminding me of the promises I have made to myself.

Dear Promise,
I have broken you before. I have betrayed you and done things I am not proud of. I have shamed loyalty. I have degraded trust. I have made mistakes. I have done this because I am human, and nobody is perfect. All I can do is have hope, that I will stay true to you in the future, and be true to the promises I have made to myself.

Dear Hope,
I know I depend on you a lot, but I need you more than ever right now. I need you in my life to get me to another day. I need you to help me believe that I can be the kind of person that I want to be, and that you can help me to keep writing letters. There are some I can't find it in me to write right now. But I know that if I keep you with me, I will find the right words. The right words for myself, and nobody else. I go to sleep with you every night, and wake up with you every morning.

Dear Dreams,
You are never far from my mind, and you are never gone away. Sometimes you seem out of reach, and sometimes you come to me at inconvenient times, but I don't care. I would rather have too many of you than none at all. I would rather have you be impossible than have nothing to reach for. You keep me laughing, you keep me believing in myself, you make me try harder, and write longer, and be braver, in hopes that some day you will no longer be my dreams, you will be my life.

Dear Life,
The best is yet to come.